Monday, December 26, 2011
For this installment, we will compare the two bands on the objects that were used to fly over the crowd during New Year's Eve shows.
Criteria: Airborne Vessels
The Dead: On December 31, 1978, at the stroke of midnight, the Grateful Dead's longtime promoter and friend Bill Graham climbed into a 12-foot joint and flew over the crowd. (Click on the pic below to watch the video at the official website for Bill Graham)
Phish: On December 31, 1994, at the stroke of midnight, the members of Phish climbed into a 15-foot hot dog and flew over the crowd. (Click on the pic below to watch the video)
Analysis: Yes, having the band fly over the crowd is inarguably cooler than having the long-time promoter, but a joint is way, way cooler than a hot dog. (And the fact that Phish made their hot dog slightly longer is in poor taste).
This round: The Dead
Tally so far: Dead 2, Phish 1
Monday, December 19, 2011
#3 Creem Magazine's Failure to Relaunch
I could hardly contain myself over the summer when I learned that the magazine once edited by Lester Bangs was preparing to relaunch. Then only a couple short weeks later I was left in inconsolable shock when I learned that it was not to be.
#2 Roger Daltry's Tommy Tour
I went. Believe me. It was terrible.
#1 Robert Plant Continuing to Punk Out on the Subject of a Zep Reunion
In this recent article in GQ, Plant reiterated his steadfast refusal to bring happiness to millions of people around the world. It begs one question - if Plant is so keen to avoid "the abyss" then why is the setlist for his Band of Joy concerts 50% or more Zeppelin tunes?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Here are my top 3 for 2011:
#3 - Black Sabbath Announcing That It Will Tour in 2012
Sometimes the best events in any given year are the ones that give you hope for the future.
#2 - Black Dog Mashup
The mash-up genius Kutiman graced us with proof that Zeppelin's Black Dog continues to be the riff heard round the world (my vote for best participant: “talent show 2008”):
#1 - David Gilmour Joining Roger Waters for Comfortably Numb During the London Performance of The Wall.
These guys may hate each other, but they still can muster a transcendent moment or two when they play on the same stage. As one youtube commenter put it, "Imagine that... You're already beyond-excited about seeing Roger Waters' The Wall, and out pops David Gilmour...I would LITERALLY cry."
Friday, December 9, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
In lieu of actually receiving it, I trolled around online to give myself the best possible approximation. I'm happy to report that the following review from jambands.com provides such a thorough description of what's actually in the set to allow yourself to almost feel like your holding it in your hands (including a mention of the layer of foam egg crate when you first pry open the box):
And even better, following the article is a comment so long and rambling that it actually simulates the experience of excitedly telling a friend over a beer that you just got the Immersion Set, and in return being subjected to a digressive monologue about Pink Floyd in general, including his own experience of actually meeting Roger Waters. It even includes my favorite drunken conversational gambit of all time: saying "I'm not going to even mention" something followed by actually mentioning it (please note, this is only a small portion of the entire comment):
...I finally got to see Dark Side of the Moon Live… The Roger Waters Tour… and there is no question… that show was extremely faithful to the original album… Every note was there, exactly as you remember hearing in that aforememtioned part of the brain that has it permanently archived… there was just one little thing that could have made it better… and that can be summed up in eight words… the voices of David Gilmour and Richard Wright. I have no doubt that Roger recorded and probably even filmed some shows during his Dark Side of the Moon tours… sure would like to hear/see them… maybe he’s waiting until his retirement years… ;>) (I’m not going to mention how I got a bootleg version off of ebay from Argentina) As my date and I were leaving that night, we were talking about how the only way we could have enjoyed the concert more, would be if we could have met Roger Waters… At exactly that moment, a white HumVee Limo drove past us… from a rear passenger window, Roger Waters sticks his head out and says, “Hey Kids…” I… we… were stunned!!!... Here was the person responsible for thousands of hours of enjoyment in my life… and as they were driving away, I said the only thing I could think of to say in that moment… and so I shouted… “Thank you!... Thank You!!!... THANK YOU!!!!!” and as silly as it may be to say that someone saying two words to me out of the window of a car as they drove past has become one of the treasured memories of my life… it is those moments that one looks back on in life and remembers with a smile for the rest of one’s life. Ok… I did it again… I’ll try to stay focused on the subject… The 1974 live version of Dark Side Of The Moon included in the Immersion set is without doubt, the best of the live versions I’ve seen…
Mentioned in both the review and in the comment above is the DVD included in the Immersion Set of the actual concert screen film from gigs in ’74. As the reviewer says:
That’s right – never mind trying to sync up The Wizard Of Oz with a playing of Dark Side, kids: simply tune into one of these puppies and absorb the graphics the band themselves offered up on the big screens behind them back in the day.
If you're anything like me, that's just something you must, MUST, see before your ride on planet earth is up. Well, thankfully, there's youtube. And some blessed soul took the monetary hit for the rest of us and then was generous enough to post this particular piece of glory:
After viewing and thoroughly enjoying the entire movie, I felt like I had perhaps overdone it a little, but I still couldn't help myself from having just one more (just like how it always goes for me on Christmas)... and so I clicked on one of the youtube videos recommended to me for viewing next: an official "trailer" for the Immersion Set itself. And when it started I was taken aback: the song Money is featured first, accompanied by the word MONEY in large caps, and visuals of coins cascading everywhere, including over the album itself, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was supposed to be ironic, a wink to the viewer, an admission of guilt on the band's part, as if they’re saying that they admit they’re doing these Immersion Sets for the money, and also just like on Christmas, even though the whole thing is really fun, that nagging feeling crept into the back of my mind that it's all just being shoved down our throats so people who are already rich can make more money:
Friday, December 2, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
1. In the blurb about Clapton (ranked at #2, behind Hendrix), Eddie Van Halen is quoted as saying, “Eric Clapton is basically the only guitar player who influenced me – even though I don't sound like him.”
Obviously, this is total bullshit. Eddie himself admitted in the very same magazine a couple years ago that his signature guitar technique (two-handed tapping) was inspired by watching Jimmy Page:
RollingStone.com: Your biggest innovation was two-handed tapping — using both hands to fret notes simultaneously. Where did you get the idea?
Eddie Van Halen: "I was watching Jimmy Page going [sings hammering guitar lick], like that, with one hand, in 'Heartbreaker'. I thought, 'I can play like that, and you wouldn't know if I was using this finger [points to left hand] or this one' [points to right hand]. But you just kind of move it around, and it's like, 'You got one big hand there, buddy. That's a hell of a spread!'"
2. Jerry Garcia was placed at #46. That’s ridiculous. This is the man who could entrance fans with 30-minute guitar solos, who spawned an entire subgenre of music (the jam band), who at his peak was capable of executing the perfect “slick lick with the up-twist at the end, that merry snake twining through the woodpile, flickering in and out of the loosely stacked chords” (as Ken Kesey put it). I think he deserves to be ranked higher than Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top (don’t get me wrong, I love Billy Gibbons, but isn’t “Dark Star” simply a better work of art than “Legs”?).
3. The best blurb of all was written by Brent Hinds of Mastodon about Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath (ranked at #25):
I remember the first time I heard Black Sabbath. My older brother got their album Master of Reality from a kid who lived next door, and we'd been passing it around like it was crack. We were playing it with the lights down and a candle burning, when my dad burst into the room. He was like, "What is this shit?" Then he broke the record right in front of us.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
"I've re-released this because I wanted it to be available again."
-Jimmy Page, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Every time it comes on (seemingly every commercial break), my wife comments on how weird the creature looks, and my 18-month-old daughter runs screaming from the room in terror. (Yeah, I know, every hour of television before the age of two contributes to the risk of A.D.D. – but football isn’t really TV, right?)
As always, the marketers are onto us. They know that using “You Really Got Me”, or “Lola”, or even “Sunny Afternoon”, would peg the corporations they shill for as out-of-touch posers. Those are our parent’s Kinks tunes. The cohort of people (me and my friends) who are now buying new cars, or new digital camera, or a new whatever-it-is-that-IBM-sells prefer to pretend we’re still cool by retaining an extensive knowledge of the back catalogue of quirky rock.
So I’m calling their bluff. Here’s 3 commercials using obscure Kinks’ songs that I’d really like to see. No, that I dare them to make. Trust me, dear marketers, these commercials would really appeal to the aging hipster denizens of my generation. As an added bonus, all the tunes are from Schoolboys in Disgrace – an album which allmusic.com describes as “way too campy for anyone outside of the dedicated,” and, “one of their least satisfying albums” – so the licensing costs are probably next to nothing! And I personally won’t charge a cent:
Key lyric: “Don’t think of the things that make you sad/ Just remember all the good times you had”
The song plays over rapid scenes of the following:
- A dorky 16-year-old boy walks to school. It is clearly the 1980’s. He drinks a can of Tab. A bully grabs the can of soda, throws it, and then punches the dork in the face.
- At school, the dork stands in front of his locker. A bully hocks a huge loogie into the dork’s face.
- The dork sits in class. He raises his hand to say something. Unbeknownst to him, someone has stuck gum in the back of his hair. An attractive girl in class points at the gum and laughs. Soon the whole class is laughing and pointing.
When the guitar lick kicks in (at about 26 seconds):
- It’s nighttime. The dork and a couple of his friends convince a homeless man sleeping in front of a liquor store to buy them alcohol.
- The dork and his friends show up at a party with the alcohol. The other kids celebrate their arrival.
- The kids play drinking games with quarters, then with cards, and then with a tape of The Smurfs on TV.
- The kids violently throw up.
- The kids make out sloppily. The dork makes out briefly with the girl who laughed at him that morning. When she finishes kissing him, she wipes vomit off her lips.
Then the corporate logo comes up: Budweiser.
Followed by the tagline: At Any Age, Drinking Helps You Forget
2. “The Hard Way”
Key lyric: “No matter what I do or say… You’re going to find out the hard way”
- A car breaks down in the Lincoln tunnel.
- A different car breaks down in a rough neighborhood
- Another car breaks down in the Alaskan wilderness, with two long-bearded young hippies aboard (to raise the hipster factor, one of them is Devendra Banhart).
- A young woman wearing fashionable glasses pours Castrol Motor Oil into her engine. She gets into the car and drives.
- She drives past the car broken down in the Lincoln tunnel (she flips off the driver because he’s caused such horrible traffic). The driver of that car clutches his neck and screams out “I can’t breathe!”
- She drives past the car in the rough urban neighborhood. The driver of that car is getting stabbed to death by hoodlums.
- She drives past the car in the Alaskan wilderness. One of the hippies has eaten the other hippie to avoid starvation.
Then the corporate logo comes up: Castrol Motor Oil
Followed by the tagline: Christ, How Many Times Do We Have To Tell You – Change Your Freaking Oil Regularly! (Aren’t You’re The Same People Who Somehow Find The Time To Update Your Version Of iTunes Constantly?)
3. “The Last Assembly”
Key lyric “As I walked to the last assembly/ There were tears in the back of my eyes…”
A manager walks down the assemblyline of a large automobile plant. He is a tough-looking bastard, like a cross between Dick Butkus and the Ron Swanson character from Parks and Rec. He slowly walks past his workers. The workers themselves are tough-looking bastards, from the long-hair Sonny Barger wannabes to the straight-arrow Joe Plumber types, but they are fighting back tears. As the manager walks past each individual worker, that worker begins to cry. The manager struggles to hold back his own tears. Finally, at the end of the line, the manager stands beneath a banner that says “Thanks for 50 Great Years Ypsilanti! - Plant Closing Today.” Cut to: the factory as an abandoned, decaying piece of blight on the rust belt scenery.
Then the corporate logo comes up: Ford
Followed by the tagline: Don’t Be A Dick. Buy A Car Assembled In America.
Ed Watts is the author of U.S. Blues, a murder mystery set in the 1985 Grateful Dead parking lot scene (available on Amazon here). You can be further amused by his blog at http://www.rockandrollnerd.wordpress.com/
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Jimmy's impersonation of Jim is incredible, the band impersonators are great, and I love the recreation of the background from the Door's Ed Sullivan appearance.
There's just one problem for me: I can't help but compare it to Conan O'Brien's satire of the Song Remains the Same on Late Night in the 90's. Conan obviously doesn't impersonate Robert Plant well, but his whole shtick had me laughing in a way that Fallon doesn't:
(One question has always haunted me about this clip - is that George Plimpton that Conan slays in the fantasy sequence?!)
Monday, November 14, 2011
For this installment, we will compare the two bands on their attempts to cover Bob Marley songs.
Criteria: Marley Covers
The Dead: On March 26, 1988, after taking a nice pull off his joint and sip of beer, Jerry Garcia decides to attempt covering Bob Marley's Stir It Up, even though no one in the band really knows the lyrics, and it's technically Bobby's turn to choose the song anyway (the band had just played Sugaree). Here's a video capturing the moment:
Phish: On August 11, 1998, presumably after a few pulls of their own, Phish surprised everyone by opening their show at the Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA with Trench Town Rock. Rumor has it most of the fans mistook it for the opening of Harry Hood at first. Here's an audio clip from the show:
Analysis: After Jerry and Bobby stare at each other for a while, waiting for the other to sing, Bobby gamely tries. The attempt was so bad that it needed to be aborted a couple minutes in. Phish on the other hand pulled off a decent version of the tune. As one commentator on phish.net puts it: "the guys get the song’s sound about as right as four white New Englanders could ever get it".
This round: Phish
Tally so far: Dead 1, Phish 1
Friday, November 11, 2011
11. The Ten Funniest Heavy Metal Commercials
All of these commercials are hilarious, but the one that takes the cake for me is the Warrant 1-900 number. I had almost forgotten the time when bands were willing to fleece fans for $2 for the first minute, 45 cents each additional minute. The big question for me: are they actively trying to make it sound like a sex line? If not, why would they include these lines: "We like to do a lot of other things too", "It'll give you the warm, hard facts…" and the classic, "Our fans always come first." Are they in on the joke? Unfortunately, after Jani Lane's untimely passing in August, we're left to forever wonder whether the line truly offered something that tasted so good it would make a grown man cry…
10. "Brief Description of Metal Genres, as they are used as a reviewing and classification tool"
No musical genre worth its salt doesn’t have subgenres, and metal is no exception. This list untangles the knotty differences between "Death" and "Doom" Metal. The list-writer gets extra points for philosophical awareness, as he addresses the epistemological problem that plagues all lists in his very first sentence: "This cannot be a comprehensive listing of all the genres ever named or postulated.…"
9. Five Heavy Metal Concept Albums That Would Make Totally Awesome Movies
It has been postulated that metal bands that exclusively release concept albums could be a subgenre in itself, but unfortunately that subgenre did not make the previous list… The following list would be awesome in itself, even if it didn't inform me of an album that I’ve never heard of before but now feel the urgent need to track down: Nocturnus' The Key (which according to the list-writer "tells the tale of some (unnamed) astronaut dudes who use 'the key' to travel back in time to kill baby Jesus. I guess I don't really need to explain much more than that").
8. The Top 100 Heavy Metal Albums
The awesomeness of this list lies in the fact that it doesn’t confuse heavy metal with hard rock. Nothing but straight-up metal here. The top ten includes two Metallica albums (both pre-sell-out), three Iron Maiden albums, and even a Dio album! These guys are for real (they work for a website named Metal Rules, for crying out loud):
(For an example of a list that wimps out and combines hard rock with heavy metal, see VH1’s own: http://www.prefixmag.com/news/vh1s-100-greatest-hard-rock-songs-list-only-slight/24504/ - which in itself kind of disqualifies VH1 from doing anything called “Heavy Metal Day”…)
7. Top Ten Myths About Metal
A list about lists can seem somewhat cannibalistic. Unfortunately, cannibalism is not debunked in this list that dispels the myths about metal:
6. Heavy Metal Board Games
Some entrepreneurial soul could probably save the world's economy with these ideas:
5. Top Ten Heavy Metal Books
Sometimes you need words to accompany all that headbanging. I fell in love with this list when it became apparent that the author subscribes to the perfectly plausible theory that “when the world finally comes to an end, the only living beings left will be Keith Richards and Lemmy Kilmister”:
4. Preventing Heavy Metal Poisoning
These rules are obviously meant for safely handling metals in the workplace, but I think they can also usefully be applied to the handling musical genre at home:
1.Use the least harmful product possible.
2.Buy only as much as you need.
3.Read labels. Know the potential hazards of what you are buying.
4.Store products in their original container.
5.Support and use established disposal programs and facilities in your area.
6.Become familiar with the symptoms of and first aid procedures for ingestion of substances containing toxic metals.
3. Ten Best Black Sabbath Songs
There's nothing snarky or funny to say about this list. Black Sabbath is, and will always be, just plain awesome:
2. What it feels like to Ranked 100 out of 100
Although this is not a list, it contains a very interesting discussion about lists by someone intimate with the metal genre. The Guitarist of Soundgarden talks about what it felt like being named #100 on Rolling Stone's list of the 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time:
1. Best Cover Versions Of Metallica's "Enter Sandman":
This list achieves the number 1 spot because it's actually about the music, and it demonstrates the surprisingly far-reaching influence the genre has had over time. These covers range from the unintentionally humorous (Pat Boone), to the intentionally humorous (Richard Cheese), to the starkly beautiful (Youn Sun Nah), to the surprisingly earnest (Ween). And sitting atop the list is a moment of unforgettable kickassness (which never fails to remind me of the scene in Star Wars when Obi Wan allows Darth Vader to strike him down, thereby become more powerful than his disciple could ever imagine)… Motorhead's cover of "Enter Sandman":
Thursday, November 10, 2011
What I didn't realize when I wrote the piece was that Frampton is still performing - see this recent, kind of depressing article, which contains a quote from "the owner of Hot Poop" (WTF?):
The post includes a video of them singing "Teach Your Children Well", but for me the highlight was this line:
As the men played, a sign hung from the tree behind him: “Demand: Return Bankruptcy Protections to All Student Loans.” On the park’s western edge, one protester marked the occasion with a more musically inclined offering: “Dear Police, Synchronicity Was the Worst Album Ever.”
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The most sought-after unreleased song in the Pink Floyd catalog is an alternate version of the title track Wish You Were Here found on new versions of the 1975 album out today. Jazz violinist Stéphane Grappelli, who was recording at London's Abbey Road at the same time, joined the band in the studio, adding an impromptu, haunting mid-song solo. Of the entire ongoing campaign of refurbished Pink Floyd releases, that track is "perhaps the best piece we have, because no one has heard it before. We all thought it had been lost forever," says Pink Floyd drummer Nick Mason. "When I hear it, I'm astonished, really, that we didn't go, 'Of course, we must have that.'"
Now, thanks to the magic of youtube, you can hear it right now for free:
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
007: Led Zeppelin IV [Atlantic; 1971]
We must be lying to ourselves: There is no way this album should not be #1. If my fellow PFM writers could go to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 's memory-erasure clinic and wipe out everything related to this record and band-- the radio overplay, the Spinal Tapjokes, Robert Plant asking, "Does anybody remember laughter ?"-- and hear IV again for the first time, it would be at the very top of this list. Because when the riff from "Black Dog" hits you for the first time, you come face to face with God. Nothing is bigger than Led Zeppelin IV. It tears your skin and grinds away your doubt and self-hatred, freeing the rage and lust and anger of cockblocked adolescence. Listening to this album is like fucking the Grand Canyon.
Some people call "When the Levee Breaks" the album's true epic, because it sounds like the blues while "Stairway to Heaven" sounds like druids. But that was the fucking point . Zeppelin understood that you spend your days under the weight of shit, so they show you the way out with a moronized stewpot of myth, Tolkien and California daydreaming, a place where you can pray for greatness from battles you'll never fight. Zeppelin spanned it all, because they knew sometimes you wield the Hammer of the Gods and sometimes you just get the shaft.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
- That's ten fuckin' racks!
- You can partially credit my blind ambition to Mom and Dad!
- It was a life-changing event!
- Older girls!
- Bring it on!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
David Joseph, who runs the British arm of Universal Music, says A&R men used to be alchemists, discovering base talent and turning it into gold. “They made dreams come true,” he says.
Ritch Esra, publisher of the A&R Registry, calculates that of the 50 British and North American executives who left their posts in 2010, only ten managed to find another A&R job. Those who remain are playing a role that their predecessors would hardly recognise.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
And apparently this isn't the first time he's dropped a rock bomb in the middle of arguments either:
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
For our first foray into the eternal debate, we will compare the two bands on the arrests of their lead guitarists for drug possession.
Criteria: Lead Noodler Arrests
The Dead: On January 18,1985, after parking his BMW in a no-parking zone in Golden Gate Park and freebasing, Jerry Garcia was arrested for possession of 23 packets of heroin and cocaine. Here's some news clips:
Phish: On December 15, 2006, after drifting over the yellow line in a road in upstate New York, Trey Anastasio was pulled over and arrested for the possession of a baggie of hashish and some prescription drugs (Percocet, Hydrocodone and Xanax). Here's a news clip:
Analysis: Using someone else's prescription drugs is for discontented suburban teenagers (and Rush Limbaugh), not rock stars. Freebasing is WAY more hardcore.
This round: The Dead
Tally so far: Dead 1, Phish 0
Monday, September 26, 2011
God only knows how Woodstock still poses such a threat to national security that after 40 years they still have to black out a majority of the memo. But out the portion that hasn't been redacted, we get a nice tidbit of dry bureaucratic humor: "the main entertainment (if that is the correct word)...":
Monday, September 19, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Right now I feel as stoked as the guy dancing behind Jerry's head in this video: